I'm bored. Bored enough to come back to this and look through all my old stuff. It's interesting, nostalgic and sort of depressing. I kinda blame the new FMA series, tried to watch the new episodes but I don't like the Japanese voices. I'm graduating this year and I blame that too. I've known these people for five years and now I won't see most of them ever again, it's a weird feeling.

I kinda gave up on art, but I have my random urges and spouts of creativity. I Fell out of the RP world a long time ago, kept trying to get back in it and couldn't, so i've been playing PC games to pass the time. Blegh, I miss RP. I want to write, but I never do. I have this constant issue with mental blocks of creativity. I get a smidge, the lightbulb, and then it burns out and leaves me with nothing.

I feel bad about not being on MSN as much as I used to and I think fro-cho stopped signing on, so I have no one to really talk to. Not sure what this is going to do, but I felt like doing something.

I made friends in the PC games but it isn't the same, the conversations are shallow ( if that makes sense). I guess I'm getting tired of the game, and just looking for something to move on to--which always seems to make me look back. Full circle type of thing, I guess.

I find it strange how it really has been four or five years since I started this account, which is tied into a lot of things I was apart of. No one I knew then do I talk to anymore, if even see online. I guess that's normal. Looking back like this makes time feel like it goes at an absurd rate.

Despite how this sounds I've had a good year, I've gotten closer to the people I know IRL ( if only somewhat ) and I've gotten better with my social anxiety. I just have these random moods that feel like someone is putting you on pause or slowing you down and making you look around in some sort of uncomfortable manner, like life is moving onward and you can see it go. It's awkward, and its the type of mood that makes me think about life and god, death and emotion. It's a surreal environment to say the least.

This is a rant, a spill--something to waste time and get this mood out of my system for another few weeks. If anyone does read this then I'm assuming you like to look back like I do, otherwise you've just stumbled upon it and had nothing better to do--which I don't really understand how that would be possible. If Fro was online I'd be dumping all of this on her in some stimulating conversation which would involve witty dialogue, forum hunting, movies, and brainstorming: instead, it's here. Why? I don't know.

This might get long, just so you know. Ever heard of the style of writing "stream of consciousness"? from what I understand it is a lot like this, the subject of the work flowing with the thoughts of the writer. I've never read a book like that, but I kinda would like to.

It seems writing that created an ironic blockade within my brain. I'm thinking about getting a summer job, but I dunno..

I keep deleting sentences. Writing so many I's makes me feel self absorbed. Oh well. You know what's weird? its 2am and I'm not even tired.

I'm kinda fascinated by this movie that's on TV right now. It confuses me, but it has the guy from national treasure shooting bows and talking about archery. It seems as though he has ADHD or something bc he forgot the tartar sauce when picking up dinner (this is in a scene) and he went off thinking about half a million other things and came home without it.

BLEEGGHH. Theres really nothing else that can describe this. Blegh. It's an off-state of equilibrium, everything's calm and yet on some level you aren't comfortable with it. lol.

I liked this, maybe i'll post another one. ( though I do feel awkward putting all of this, but at this point idc )

If you read it, I hope you enjoyed it on some level. Maybe you get the same feelings, or maybe not? At least reading it gave you something to do like it did me writing it.

Peace.

p.s. I'm seeing star trek tomorrow, everyone says it's good. I hope it is, I need a good movie to recharge my soul.